Thrown...

Title: Reflections on Being Thrown into College Life

My grandmother brought up a memory I vaguely remembered yesterday - a time when my Aunt helped me out. It was my first year in college, and no one could take me there. So my Aunt bought me a Greyhound ticket and would send everything I needed later. I recall feeling completely lost, as I had never been away from my grandmother except for summer breaks.

Today, those emotions from my 19-year-old self resurfaced. I could visualize getting the keys to my dorm, having missed orientation, and trying to navigate the unfamiliar campus, not knowing anyone. It felt like I had been thrown into this new environment.

Suddenly, I started hearing about a Hurricane, which was something unheard of in the Midwest where I come from. I was scared, alone, and confused, so I left and never returned.

Upon waking up today, those feelings returned, and I had to confront them. It dawned on me that no one had taken the time to drive me to college, despite it being my first year. My mom and dad were too busy with their own lives that my life was not their priority. My Aunt did what she could, and my granny couldn't take me not because she didn't want to, but age took a hit on her health. BUT, I talked to her every step of the way. From that moment, I adopted a mentality of "I'll figure it out!"

Being thrown into such situations leaves a lasting impression, and it shaped my perspective. I didn't like how I felt then; it was overwhelming, and I later learned it was called anxiety. Today, I had to face those uncomfortable feelings head-on, which hurt my feelings back then but are still present now. Perhaps God graced me by suppressing those emotions to help me get through life, but now I need to process how it all made me feel 17 years later. Healing is GHETTO!

I ponder how some people perceive "Being Thrown" - is it a thrilling challenge or an enemy trying to break them? Interestingly, I left LSU just a week before Hurricane Katrina hit. I believe God spared me from experiencing even deeper hurt by missing that horrible catastrophe. I remain thankful to this day for that.

What brings comfort to my heart is the realization that my son's story won't be defined by my traumas. I took him to an open orientation at a new high school and made sure he understood the available resources. I wanted him to see that people are willing to help him succeed. It warmed my heart when the Trio program had him write down his top five colleges, and LSU was among them.

Truly, God has a sense of humor.

- Antwoinette Ayers,

My healing is a journey.

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